Why Listening Matters in Financial Advising: An AAPI Perspective on Wealth, Family, and Communication
“The most effective and successful advisers… can truly listen, build trust… and manage the delicate issues money can evoke.”
-Jaffe, D. T., & Grubman, K. (2011). Core techniques for effective client interviewing and communication. Journal of Financial Planning.
May is Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Mental Health Awareness Month. It is a meaningful time to talk about something that is often overlooked: the connection between financial health, mental health, and communication.
In my work as a financial psychologist and consultant , I see how money conversations are rarely just about numbers. They are shaped by identity, culture, and lived experience. This is especially true for immigrant and second-generation families navigating wealth, success, and legacy.
The immigrant and native framework in wealth
In Strangers in Paradise: How Families Adapt to Wealth Across Generations, James Grubman, Ph.D. describe first-generation wealth creators as “immigrants” to a new land of wealth.
They learn the rules, language, and customs of this new financial world through effort and experience. At the same time, they may not always have the tools to translate those lessons to the next generation.
The next generation, or “natives,” grows up within that system. They understand the environment intuitively, but often lack context for how that wealth was built.
This creates a gap. Not just in knowledge, but in meaning.
A second-generation perspective on money and identity
As a 1.5 or second-generation Vietnamese American, I relate deeply to this framework.
I grew up helping my parents navigate systems in the United States, often acting as a translator and cultural broker. At the same time, I was navigating my own “immigrant” experiences as the first in my family to attend college and graduate school, and later working across different professional and cultural environments.
This dual perspective shapes how I approach financial psychology and family conversations about money.
Why financial stress is not always about money
Many of the families I work with are financially stable. Some are doing very well. And yet, there is still tension.
Parents worry that their children may not understand the value of hard work or may be “too soft.” They want their children to have opportunities they did not have, while also wanting them to appreciate what was sacrificed.
Children, on the other hand, are growing up in a different environment. They are not wired to understand scarcity they have never experienced. What feels like “privilege” to one generation feels like “normal” to another.
This is not a failure. It is a difference in context.
From a psychological perspective, financial stress often reflects uncertainty, responsibility, and identity, not just income or assets.
The role of communication in wealth and family dynamics
This is where communication becomes critical.
In my work, I help families move beyond surface-level financial discussions and into deeper conversations about meaning, expectations, and values.
Often, both generations are asking similar questions:
Will my child be okay?
Will my parents understand me?
Will our relationship hold as things change?
These are not financial questions. They are relational ones.
By creating space for both perspectives, I help families find common ground. Parents can share the values behind their expectations. Children can express their own experiences and pressures.
When both sides feel heard, the conversation shifts.
Financial psychology as a bridge
This is where financial psychology plays an important role.
It combines practical financial understanding with psychological insight. It helps people recognize how their relationship with money is shaped by past experiences, cultural expectations, and family dynamics.
For immigrant and second-generation families, this work often involves:
translating values across generations
understanding different definitions of success
reducing anxiety tied to responsibility and expectation
building communication that supports both legacy and individuality
Why this perspective matters
As a 1.5/second-generation Vietnamese American psychologist, this work is personal.
I understand both the language of the “immigrant” and the “native.” Not just in words, but in experience.
That perspective allows me to help families navigate conversations that are often emotionally complex and difficult to name.
Because ultimately, conversations about wealth are not just about financial outcomes.
They are about belonging, security, identity, and connection.
A place to start
If your family is navigating conversations about money, it may be worth asking:
What are we really trying to communicate?
And what might we not be saying?
